hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
