I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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