Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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