my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
