What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
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Do I have a choice?
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If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize