didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I did not marry a roomba.
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