Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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