You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
