My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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