Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
