he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
