dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
