I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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