I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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