the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
