he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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