It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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