shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
