Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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