She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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