and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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