Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
