"it" just moved
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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