I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
