Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
