census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
