I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
