idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
