I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
