I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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