you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
