How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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