I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
