My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
