I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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