Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
