Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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