All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
