so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
