Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
