When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have fence marks all over my body
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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