i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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