Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Who died my cat blue again?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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