he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
