I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
