Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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