he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
