After last night, I could never be a politician.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
