Non-Jews are for practice
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
