I must be too annoying 4 u.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
