cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
