Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Randomize