I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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