My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
