It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
