His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
