Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize