But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Who died my cat blue again?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
