Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
