guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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