Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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