Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
