hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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