i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
