can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
