can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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